on the eve of the eve of the eve of the eve of the eve of the eve of the eve of the eve of my birthday

you are lying in bed
you are sitting with eyes open
you are fingering the extremities of duvets
you are wasting your own time
and mine

you think that you are relaxing.
you are not relaxing.

you think that you are making plans
for the future.
you are not making plans.

you are trying to hide from your future
you move an arm under pillows
you turn a head toward walls
you dream of adventurous things
and conjure ambition
nightly

you kill time so as not to
...
yourself.

you do not have enough time
to do anything more productive
you have no time to unwind
you are surprised you make it to work each day
when there is no time to eat or lock doors or get dressed or make phone calls

you do not understand how people have children
or clean houses
or buy houses
or get haircuts
or bake cakes
or tend gardens
or drive cars
or play chess
or read books about history

you do not even have enough time to list these things.






June 2009.