the last time I was anywhere

The last time I was anywhere I wanted to take the ground
up in my arms,
to feel more than I was able
I wanted hues to stream out of centres -
from dark innards marches blinding light
- I wanted my retinas to retain that
imprint
I wanted to hold hands
and squeeze until the colours bled
until we all ran into one
another
and turned to mud



The last time I was anywhere
you pointed your trigger-finger and I danced accordingly,
pretending
that behind the blushes I was not screaming
to be recorded;
meanwhile
my organs are expanding
I am slapping my plumage on the table
de-contorting my only posture
and this,
this is how it really happened!
this is the immortality of my lungs



The last time I was anywhere it reminded me of something,
you see,
I am always in the past or in the future
and like time, I do not stop
I am the second hand running past idle hours
I am the pendulum swinging between the green-grassed walls
of grandfather clocks
I am standing by the sundial again
with an assemblage of lamps and mirrors
I am parading through time-zones,
writing in abbreviations,
giving the days each two decimal places.



The last time I was anywhere I took you to one side
and spent the evening explaining how I longed

to be
there

more completely.











June 2009